Pseudo Listening

Generally, people will say that they were distracted by something that was going on in the room, maybe somebody moved about, or maybe if we are lucky the sun was coming through the window. Were there distractions of sound? Was somebody else having a conversation nearby and you started listening to that? Was there something going on outside? Was a car going by or a lorry or sirens? One of the really, really interesting ones is ego. And that is, as, in our own ego, our own inner voice starts talking while somebody else is talking to us. So actually what we are doing is we are thinking, "Oh, yeah, I know that I recognize that story. I have got a better story than that." "Oh, I know what that person ought to do because I have had that experience." But actually, active listening is about the other person entirely. It is not about you who are listening to them.

Another one that everybody does, and this is how we all generally listen, is pseudo-listening. We look like we are listening but we are not listening because we are planning what we are gonna do next. Did I put the thing in the oven? Do I need to pick my children up? What have I got going on back at the office? Have I got to be somewhere on time? Is this person boring me? That is generally what is going round and round in our head. So you can see that there are many, many distractions when we are generally listening to somebody, not active listening, generally listening to somebody. Active listening is a skill. I am going to teach you how to actively listen but you'll have to practice.