Want to watch this video? Sign up for the course here. Or enter your email below to watch one free video.

Unlock This Video Now for FREE

This video is normally available to paying customers.
You may unlock this video for FREE. Enter your email address for instant access AND to receive ongoing updates and special discounts related to this topic.



First of all, we are going to talk about the things that are not active listening. I want you to go and find yourself a piece of paper and a pen, and I am going to give you an exercise to do. I want to know when was the last time somebody did not listen to you. Generally, we get lots of people talking about when they were in a shop, when they spoke to their mom or dad, maybe when they spoke to their partner or their children. I want you to have a think about when you were not listened to, but importantly, I want you to think about the emotional response you had to that situation. Write down your responses, your emotional responses to that situation, and have a think about who the person was that did not listen to you.

You should have created a list now. You should have identified who did not listen to you and how you felt when they were not listening to you. What was your emotional response to not being listened to? I wonder if you have got any of these things on your list. Generally, we have things like, angry, frustrated, made you feel low in confidence, there was a bit of confusion because very often, you do not understand why the person who is listening to you is not really listening. And then maybe you will think, "Here we go again." Certainly, if it is somebody you know quite well and they do not listen to you on a regular basis, you will have that deja vu, here we go again. I am going to show you some examples now of how other people felt when they were not listened to.

Felt a little frustrated and upset.

I felt that I am just not important enough to be listened to. I feel frustrated and that it is not worth me talking.

The last time I was not listened to, I felt really hurt and belittled and it is really hard when you try and give people your lived experience when they do not listen and you just think you are just misunderstood or they are confused, but actually, it is just really hurtful.

This is the effect of not actively listening. As we go through this training, I will show you how to actively listen but I want you to bear in mind that active listening is a skill and you will have to practice.